stretched

welp.

it happened.

the one thing i was hoping to avoid.

 

i made this stupid joke at the end of last week's blog post:

 

pray for lots of growth.

(just not the extreme kind that will give me stretch marks.)

 

God read it and zapped me.
you know, sometimes this shit ain't funny, God.

 

this week i found my first stretch mark.

i'll admit, i'm a little devastated.

i was hoping my previous hefty college body

prepared my stomach for the wide load.

i had read up on it early in my pregnancy

and they said the fairer skin you have

the more likely you are to get them. 

so while i knew i had a good possibility of being a candidate,

i clung to hope. 

especially since i made it 37 freaking weeks with no signs of them.

this just proves my theory that i, in fact, have the skin of a redheaded step child.

 

oh joy. oh bliss.

 

right now, i just have one.

its on the southern hemisphere of my stomach,

the side i can no longer see,

but i stare at it in the mirror

and i have ronnie examine it for any growth or discoloration.

as you can tell, i'm trying not to overreact just yet,

but i have a feeling that if i go another 4 weeks,

i'll look like a victim of a tiger attack.

since i'm trying to avoid that,

i have now gone into

"crazy oil mode"

 

i rub coconut oil on my stomach every night and lay there while it works its magic. 

i also use the cocoa butter massage lotion for stretch marks every morning.

between the two, i smell like i'm ready for the pool at all times.

 

 

 

so its time for a new prayer.

one that is waaaaaay more specific.

 

dear God, we want:

1. growth for brette.

but not in her head,

because that could hurt and its big enough already.

2. the stretch marks contained. please, just let there be one.

3. a healthy mildly painful delivery with no complications.

and

4. a beautiful, perfect baby girl

okay, go.  

 

amen.