Wednesday, July 31, 2013

wake up

i must have had some anxiety about having a new baby.
i didn't really feel it during the day,
but it would come out at night.
she is all mine.
and sometimes that can be scary.
for the first 3 weeks
i had night terrors.
i'm not sure if that's the right terminology,
but that's what i call them.
i had 4 or 5 of them.
i would wake up and think that brette was in our bed
and we were smothering her.
it literally freaked me out.
you have to understand that louie and leia are 8lb little cuddle bugs.
the lay right up next to me,
so in the middle of the night
i would wake up confused between having a baby in my arms or a dog.
the first one was the worst.
i grabbed poor louie,
thinking it was brette.
i was shaking and she wasn't crying.
i don't know how his hair and legs didn't register with me,
but i thought i killed my daughter.
its a sick feeling.
i learned with the other ones to automatically look to the basinet
first so i could reassure myself that she wasn't next to me,
but safe in her own bed.
i was still panicked, but i could understand fast that she was ok.
it also saved me from scaring my dogs to death.
i'm pretty sure i gave louie a heart attack with that first one.
 after a couple weeks, it stopped happening altogether and
i guess i got used to having her in our room.
i just wanted to share
my "new mom" experience.
the good and the bad.
but enough with that.
here's brette.
7 weeks old today.


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