Wednesday, October 8, 2014

the long road home

after such an amazing vacation
our trip back was hell.
right from the start, things were doomed.

when we arrived in florida ronnie and i 
used an airport car service to take us to the beach house.
we couldn't use a regular ol' taxi because 
we needed a rear-facing carseat.
it was a bit pricey, but mandatory,
so whatever.
the day before we left i called them again
to schedule our ride back to the airport.
our flight left at 5:15 and they recommended
being there one hour in advance.
we were 45 minutes away from the airport so 
i scheduled our pick-up at 3:30.
(yes, 3:30 in the morning.  heinous.)
they were supposed to call me when they were 15 minutes away.
at 3:20 i called them.
they said they would be there at 3:45.
annyoing, but i could live with it.
at 3:45, they are still not there.
at 4:00, still no one.
i called again.
at 4:10 we woke up my parents and had them drive us.
at 4:18 they called me back.
i was livid.
and then we missed our flight.
those sons-a-bitches.
the airport lady helping us was a dear 
and rescheduled us on the next flight out at 7:20 with no extra charge.
thank god.
we had breakfast and played with brette who is already tired.
we finally get on a plane and start out to the runway 
when the captain comes on to tell us we are delayed 20 mins.
then we are delayed until 9:00.
try sitting on a hot plane with a 16 month old that has been up since 3:45.
they finally tell us that they are going to take us back to the airport 
so we can get off while we wait out a thunderstorm. 
BUT the freaking thunderstorm hits before the plane makes it from 
the runway to the airport.
the captain comes back on to tell us it is unsafe for the grounds crew to 
be out in the lightning so we have to continue to 
sit on the plane while we wait out the storm.
it was like a bad dream.
finally THREE HOURS after we boarded the plane 
we were allowed off for TEN MINUTES before we had to 
be back on so we could take off.
of course by now we have missed our connecting flight to KC
so once we hit atlanta we then have a two hour layover.
we get food, let brette crawl around, change her diaper 
and prepare for our next flight.
it takes off no problems and isn't full,
so we moved rows to give brette her own seat.
it was the first good thing to happen all day.
i notice that brette is tooting (tmi?), so i thought i'd run
her to the toilet before she poops because i honestly
don't know where you are supposed to change a diaper on a plane.
well, i didn't make it in time.
i'm trying to take her diaper off in the smallest bathroom known to man 
and it falls off.
no, literally, shit.
on the toilet and her foot.
so i'm trying to hold miss poopy-butt
and get out wipes,
keep my balance 
and not get poop everywhere.
it did not go well.
when we returned to the seat ronnie whispered that we smelled like shit.
we started searching and sure enough, its on my jeans. 
for real, this happened.
lets just say by the time we made it to kansas city 
(5 hours later than our original itinerary)
i was done.
and so was ronnie.
and so was poor brette.

i blame the car service.
they should be glad we're not in the same state
because i would for real cut someone. 

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