Thursday, February 27, 2014

adventures in babysitting

i have an embarrassing - - maybe funny - - story to tell.
the language used is rate R - just so you know.
now, the back story...
[i mentioned that i wanted to leave brette more and more.
get her used to being with other people besides me.
so i went to st. louis for the day and went out with the girls one night.
and left b with ronnie. she not only lived, but had no issues.
i thought it was time to get a babysitter in the mix so
ronnie and i could actually leave the house together.
we've had so many people offer to watch her.
(both my sister-n-laws, cousin, aunts, and my parents)
but i feel bad always dumping her on family
especially when everyone has jobs and kids of their own, or is driving from out of town.
so when my old boss offered her twelve year old daughter, (going to be 13 this spring)
i jumped at the chance. but she's never babysat before.
i wanted to give her a chance to get to know brette
and get comfortable doing day to day things, like changing diapers,
before i took off and left her alone.
so we decided to have her come over every thursday
afternoon after school for an hour or two.
it gives me a little freedom, but i'm still nearby in case she has questions.
once she feels good about it, i can start calling her
when ronnie and i want to have a dinner date
that lasts later than 6:30 and she'll know just what to do.
the perfect plan.]
last thursday was our first time together.
i went and picked her up and helped her through
her first diaper change.
after, i set her and brette up with some toys and
took the opportunity to get on the treadmill in the basement
and left b upstairs with our new friend.
unfortunately, ronnie forgot that we were having a guest.
he barges in after work singing/yelling something...
really bad.
really really bad.
and scared the. shit. out of our new babysitter.
holy first impression, ronnie.
but i can't really b l a m e  him
because that's the way we roll.
oh sure, i knew we'd have to clean up our language
once brette got a little older,
but we haven't quite started that project yet.
so there i am in the basement innocently running,
and ronnie comes down with the reddest face ever.
i'm like - what happened?
ronnie - i said something bad.
me - how bad?
ronnie - pretty bad. and then i didn't know what to do so i turned around and went right back out to the garage.
me - so you just left her there? what did she do?
ronnie - she jumped up, but when she realized who it was she smiled. i was shocked so i just turned around and left, but when i came back in i told her i was singing to my dogs.
me - what??!  did you say sorry?
ronnie - yeah, i mean, she was smiling.
me - oh my god, but what did you say??!
(i will save you from his actual words. 
my family reads this blog and they still like ronnie.
go figure.)
at this point we are both dying laughing, whispering in the basement like kids.
horrible, filthy mouth kids who are kind of scared to go back upstairs and face the sitter.
me - oh my god. did she understand you?
ronnie - i don't think so. it was so fast and high-pitched.  and when i came back in i sat down and played with brette and offered her a drink.  she seemed fine.
cheese 'n rice.
when i went upstairs it was time to take her home
so i apologized for my husband,
made a joke about singing to our dogs
and called it a day.
dear lord.
i don't know how we plan on raising a daughter.
we can't even make it through an hour
with a twelve year old babysitter
without seriously fucking shit up.
(and yes, it was worse than that.) 
happy friday!


  1. This one is right up there with dying on the toilet. Love you guys... :) Mick

  2. did you tell me what he said? i want to know!