ronzo and i were getting ready for bed over the weekend,
when he did the worst possible thing.
he found a gray hair
ronnie has been going gray since he was 22.
it's joke for us that he will be completely gray by 40,
while his much younger, hotter wife still rocks her 20's.
you can see how this has completely shifted my world.
and thus began my five stages of greif.
of course, at first i was in denial.
i simply explained that he was wrong.
no way, that is blonde.
but when i examined closer, i could see that he was right.
that little piece of shit strand was shining in the light.
it was awful.
that made me angry.
where has my youth gone?
i'm too young for this!
and then came the bargaining - which for me looked a lot like blaming.
stupid UMKC, i knew that job was killing me.
i gained 10 lbs AND went gray.
and then came the black hole of old age and everything awful.
let's go into hiding until i can get a hair appointment.
no one needs to see me like this.
and now you're probably waiting for my acceptance.
...how this happens to everyone and i should embrace my new found
but keep waiting, because that ain't happening.
this hair had a shelf life.
forever plucked from my head
with the hope that it will understand that it's not welcome back for at least another 12 years.
until then, we shall never speak of this again.